Review
TItle: Silent Souls Weeping: Depression–Sharing Stories Finding Hope
Author: Jane Clayson Johnson
Publisher: Deseret Book
Genre: Self Help/Religious
Year Published: 2018
Number of Pages: 213
Binding: Hardcover
ISBN13: 9781629725253
Price: $21.99
Reviewed by Trudy Thompson for the Association for Mormon Letters, Jan. 22, 2019
Several years ago, I attended a Relief Society Homemaking Meeting where a special speaker had been invited to talk to us about women and depression within the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. At that time, I was shocked by the number of women who silently suffered from depression, anxiety, and panic attacks in the church. The presentation included a video made at BYU of women speaking openly about their individual challenges, how it affected them and their families, and their own personal challenges of living with and overcoming this dreaded diagnosis.
I was most eager to read this new book as I have several family members that have suffered, or are suffering, from depression and other emotional problems. I have a number of friends who have had lengthy bouts of depression, and I have at times endured short bouts of depression and discouragement.
Whatever our circumstances may be, most people at one time or another find themselves battling depression of one degree or another. Some seek treatment in the form of counseling, medication etc. Others suffer in silence and are either unwilling or unable to admit they need help.
Award winning journalist Jane Clayson Johnson has addressed these issues and so very much more, with a particular emphasis on the myths, misunderstandings, and vulnerability of members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, who find themselves dealing with a family member suffering from the effects of mental illness, or who themselves are challenged.
Not only did Ms. Johnson spend three years interviewing over 150 Latter-day Saint men, women, and teenagers, she openly and frankly tells of her own harrowing road of depression that she calls her “bleak void.” Her purpose in writing this volume was a way to build networks of support and break down the feelings of shame and sinfulness that often surround mental health challenges-especially within the Church.
The author eloquently describes her journey into depression starting at a time when she was “living her dream” of being a wife and mother. It started slowly, with unexpected illnesses and physical changes, including early menopause. Mood swings, numbness, and cycles of shame, guilt, and anger ensued. Hopelessness set in and she actually began looking for a “replacement,” believing she needed to protect her family from her shortcomings and failures. One day she drove for miles and sat in her car alone trying to sort things out. A man on a walk found her still in the car, and asked if she was alright and if she had someone to call. He could clearly see she had been crying. She called her husband, who convinced her to come home, and he took her to the doctor the next morning. She was now on the long and challenging road to healing and recovery.
While this is a very shortened version of her story, her personal and unexpected journey through a major depressive disorder gave her a strong desire to reach out and help others through this misunderstood disease.
There are two common themes that run through the book. The first one is of stigma. Nearly everyone the author interviewed expressed embarrassment and even shame about not only their diagnosis, but also about taking medication and being in therapy. Ms. Johnson emphatically states, “It doesn’t matter if the stigma of depression is self-induced or culturally imposed. Either way it’s unhealthy and unhelpful.”
She goes on to state that a lot of shame is one of the byproducts of depression. This includes a student who misses a semester of school because of illness, or someone who is out of step, socially, or in their employment. Many people she interviewed believed they had done something to cause their depression. Again, Ms. Johnson sets the record straight on that kind of thinking. What if we blamed people for having cancer, or other physical illnesses? She goes on to state that we can no longer hide these struggles, as too many people are suffering in silence.
The second overriding theme in the book is how depression affects members’ ability to feel the Spirit. Some members of the Church believe that if they just pray harder, be more faithful in keeping the commandments and fulfilling their other sacred duties, depression will just go away. Ms. Johnson states that while miracles are possible, depression is a disease, not a spiritual deficit.
The stories that the author gleaned from interviewing so many people are enlightening, uplifting and bring a sense of hope and peace to those suffering. They show us how others overcame their doubts, apathy, numbness, desperation and heartache and sorrow. The personal stories are from strangers, well known individuals like general authorities, university professors, wives of university presidents, mission presidents and so on.
There is a chapter on what is called “toxic perfectionism.” Researchers have discovered that the link between perfectionism and suicide is stronger than anyone previously imagined, and that it is largely unrecognized. Toxic perfectionism fuels feelings of inadequacy and makes us inauthentic. It makes it hard to share our challenges with others, making us more vulnerable to depression, suicidal thinking and even action, because we feel the need to maintain a facade.
The chapter on suicide is powerful and heartbreaking, as stories from people who lost loved ones are related. Ms. Johnson states that the societal epidemic of suicide needs to have some light shone on it, in the hopes of coming to the conclusion that any meaningful progress in suicide prevention starts with eradicating the stigma associated with mental illness. Also firmly stated is the notion that talking about suicide prompts people to take their lives. That theory has been debunked by a number of studies and by those who have attempted suicide, but survived and are now healing. Even this chapter has words of comfort and hope for surviving family members. It is important for loved ones to never blame themselves, and many families have shared how they have channeled their grief and knowledge into advocacy for mental health awareness and eliminating the stigma associated with them.
This excellent volume also includes chapters on young people, missionaries, postpartum depression, the parental role of modeling healthy emotional regulation, and an entire chapter on how families and friends can best help those around them who are suffering. In this chapter, Ms. Johnson bravely interviews her own husband about what it was like for him to live with someone who suffered with depression. He courageously relates about the particular time he realized that something was clinically wrong with his wife, by what he saw in her eyes and face-that she was in a different place. He goes on to state that he initially took it as a direct assault on him, because he was frustrated that he wanted to help but could not reach her and wondered if he was to blame.
The author goes on to state that if you are a relative or a friend of someone who is depressed, you too are a victim of depression, just like the person you want to help. She goes on to confirm that your love does matter and you can help, but your lot can be hard and thankless at times. Timely advice is also given on how caregivers need to pay attention to their own physical and emotional health, in order to face the challenges of caring for someone with mental illness.
I found the most heartwarming stories to be those of bishops, stake presidents, and especially mission presidents, who went the extra mile and truly were inspired as to how to help those in their charge.
The story is told of a mission president in Texas who took the charge to find a way to make every missionary successful very seriously . The mission president said that when any manifestation of mental illness at any level became apparent to him, it was up to him to not cure them, or worry about baptisms or discussions or personal or companion study, but instead to simply focus on the missionary. He would make sure he paired up the missionary with a compassionate companion and put them in an area where the bishop and members would simply love them. He considered each missionary on a case by case basis, and would set them down and talk honestly with him or her about how they were feeling and what they needed. At that time in this mission, there was a rule that missionaries couldn’t drink caffeinated drinks. One elder who was struggling told the mission president that he just needed a Diet Coke every so often. The president said, “Then you can have a Diet Coke!” “Buy it on your P day and put it in your apartment, and I will tell your companion it’s okay.” The president went on to explain that he cut the elder some slack, but didn’t make a big deal out of it or announce it, but simply modified some of the rigidity of the mission field. He did the same for several others, knowing that it took the pressure off the missionaries of what they couldn’t do or have. It took away a minor thing, but for a young person going through difficult issues, that was a big thing. I absolutely loved this example of a caring and thoughtful mission president who cared more about the young men and women in his mission, than statistics of discussions, baptisms and contacts they had made! He ensured their happiness and success by his excellent example of putting people first.
Every Latter-day Saint family needs to have this excellent book in their home. Every bishop, branch president, stake or district president and mission president needs to have this book at their disposal. Along with presidents of the different auxiliaries in the church, leaders will find this well written and documented book a guide on how they and members can lovingly assist those who are bravely facing mental health issues. It is filled with powerful examples, heart warming stories, and a frank and open discussion on how to break down the barriers and stigma so long attached to an illness that is not our fault. It can be made better, and we can reach out and assist those around us who are struggling. We can shed light and hope on a once taboo topic, that with the help of this book, is now in broad daylight to encourage and give hope to all.