Review
======
Title: Real Moms: Making it Up as We Go
Author: Lisa Valentine Clark
Publisher: Deseret Book
Genre: Nonfiction
Year Published: 2015
Number of Pages: 187
Binding: Paperback
ISBN13: 978-1-60907-996-3
Price: $16.99
Reviewed by Kristie Wilkins for the Association for Mormon Letters
I picked up Lisa Valentine Clark’s book, *Real Moms-Making it Up as We Go,* because of its eye-catching cover and I found the summary on the back cover both engaging and intriguing. I knew I was really in for a treat by page three where she writes, “Every mom should write a book on motherhood…we need to share our experiences…. We need each other’s stories. They help us laugh at ourselves, our kids and our situations; they remind us to take a breath and move on to the next scene. “ What follows is an invitation to sit down, get comfortable and have a meaningful, thought-provoking dialogue on motherhood: its joys, challenges and great eternal meaning.
Mrs. Clark has organized her book with charmingly titled and subtitled chapters, humorous and relatable side rants and “unasked for” advice pages which enable her readers to enjoy the book in a variety of ways without having to read straight through. She has employed a wonderful blend of practical advice, laughter and spiritual insights that keep the reader engaged.
Lisa Valentine Clark is the mother of five children. She is also an author and an actress with a love for the art of sketch comedy and improv. Lisa is talented, articulate and confident but she makes it a point to let her readers know that she is also an imperfect person who is continually learning and growing in many aspects of her life, including motherhood. Rather than approach the sensitive subject of motherhood as an authority on the subject, the author invites readers to join her in a discussion, each from their own unique perspective and circumstances, enabling them to appreciate the great value and divine plan in those differences. She states, “I think in order to relate to each other amid differences large and small we need to not downplay our differences but celebrate them.“ [46] “Seeing differences in each other helps us not trap others, or get trapped ourselves, in stereotypes. Being seen as an individual is religiously and personally significant…. We are all the exception. Our kids are all different and when we have respect for others’ choices and lifestyles, it gives us confidence to have more respect for our own choices. “ [47]
That Mrs. Clark has had the courage to develop her many talents while balancing the needs of her husband, children and herself is commendable. Throughout the book she demonstrates how the use of her talents has enhanced her abilities as a mother and given her insights and inspiration in her approach to that great calling. A great example of this is found in her chapter, *Making it All Up: How Improvisation Taught Me How to Be a Mom*, where she illustrates how the various aspects of improv acting compare with important aspects of motherhood. [68-79]
1. Who you play with makes all the difference
2. Being over prepared is critical.
3. Creating the right setting is important.
4. Know your audience.
5. Be confident.
6. Be comfortable making specific choices.
7. Be generous with others.
8. Know when to let go.
It is human nature to compare ourselves with others. I have to be honest that there were times while reading the book, particularly when the author mentioned her rock star brother, fashion designer sister and her own accomplishments as an actress, that I was tempted to disagree with the author’s statement that she is a “real mom”. However, I could not ignore the fact that Lisa Valentine has a delightfully down to earth mentality and sense of humor. She is in fact relatable and “real.” In many instances her side rants had surprisingly familiar rings to them and I found myself nodding my head and chuckling (see page 127 if, like me, you are not an animal person). I have in fact given many of her acceptance speeches [133] and can’t wait to try out those I haven’t on my unsuspecting children. I found the advice that Mrs. Clark sprinkled throughout the book insightful and applicable to mothers of all ages and circumstances, certainly to my own.
One statement that resonated powerfully with me was when they author writes, “Hey, as moms, let’s talk about ‘lowering the bar and being awesome,’ not as an apathetic ‘there’s only one ideal and I’ll never meet it,’ and not the illusive ‘good enough,’ but with a third definition, ‘fit for a specific need.’ Let’s take back the word perfect, not assigning it to the meaning ‘without flaws or shortcomings,’ or ‘beyond improvement,’ but with a third meaning, ‘exactly fitting the need in a certain situation or for a certain purpose.’” [23]
Another was the truth that “Motherhood defies analogy and categorization because as prepared as we think we are, as motivated, well-intentioned, and dedicated, we never seem to be the kind of mother we set out to be. That can be both good and bad. Motherhood changes us. It has us constantly adjusting for the unexpected. And it has a way of revealing the best and worst in us, which is a beautiful, humiliating way of life. Living on the edge. “ [58]
The last third of the book was the most valuable to me personally as Mrs. Clark writes about the role, the value and the limits of a “village” in raising our children. She points out that there are things that only mothers can and should do and be for their children while acknowledging the vital role of friends, extended family and neighbors. She also demonstrates our need to rely on our Heavenly Father as a key part of that village by emphasizing that the insights and inspiration available to us through the Holy Ghost and by living the gospel are essential to mothering.
As a mom who is as imperfect and “real” as it gets, I enjoyed this book and would very much recommend it to the women in my life who are walking this remarkable path of motherhood with me.