Review
Title: Hope and Healing: A Survivors Faith-Based Perspective On Recovering From Sexual Abuse
Author: Wendy Jessen
Publisher: Wendy Jessen
Genre: Inspirational/Self Help
Year Published: 2018
Number of Pages: 183
Binding: Paperback
ISBN: 9780692169025
Price: $16.99
Reviewed by Trudy Thompson for the Association for Mormon Letters
The author of this new volume has bravely and boldly taken on the difficult and delicate topic of sexual abuse. We are all bombarded daily by the news of new, despicable, and heart breaking acts of this senseless and vile abuse against its victims-ranging from the very young to the elderly.
Ms. Jessen begins the book by relaying her story of coming home one day as a busy mom to find a frantic telephone message from her mother yelling,”The house is on fire!” The author’s childhood home had gone up in flames, and left nothing but a shell. She was shocked, saddened, worried, and mourned the loss of what once was.
But it was other emotions that began to bubble up that took her by surprise. There was relief, even some gladness that it was all gone. Because she lived far away, she was unable to be there in person, but seeing the pictures of the badly damaged home brought back long buried secrets and realizations of a dark and troubled time in her childhood. She realized that she had built her own invisible walls -to protect herself and avoid feeling the trauma from her past.
Two weeks before her third birthday, an uncle had broken the bonds of trust between them, by sexually abusing her. This was the first time, but would not be the last.
The house fire was the catalyst that started her on a journey of strong and confusing thoughts and emotions. As she struggled to understand, she sought professional counseling and support.
Over the course of time, while counseling with professional therapists, church leaders, and taking part in survivor groups, she gradually is able to come to terms with all the raw feelings, emotion, anger, guilt, and shame of what had happened.
One important message of the book is that victims must realize that abuse — particularly when suffered in childhood — alters our brain, mind, and body. It can skew our sense of right and wrong, and at times we act out in ways we would never have done otherwise. As a result, often victims of sexual abuse feel a tremendous sense of guilt and shame.
Ms. Jessen goes on to explain in the following statement: “Our Father knew that His children would sin and transgress. He knew ALL of HIs children would be wronged by the acts of others whether it would be through lying, cheating, stealing, abusing or any other number of wrongdoings…Jesus was obedient and fulfilled His Atonement as an act of mercy for us, so we would not be lost to infirmity, pain, affliction, sin or despair.”
Guilt is a natural feeling that comes as an effect of sexual abuse, and it’s important to know that this feeling is NOT because of a sin you’ve committed. Part of accessing the healing power of the Atonement is letting go of those feelings of guilt and forgiving yourself, whether you have willingly sinned, or were coerced into inappropriate acts, or if you were sexually abused in any manner.
A powerful statement by Elder Richard G. Scott is given: “Satan uses your abuse to undermine your self confidence, destroy trust in authority, create fear, and generate feelings of despair…While these outcomes have powerful influence in your life, they do not define the real you.”
As the author takes us through her story of abuse, acknowledgment, and all of the many emotions connected with it, she lovingly shares how she has found her greatest sources of hope and healing. She gives us tools to consider and use.
Besides giving her insights of finding the right therapist or counselor, and joining support groups, taking appropriate medications as needed, she also shares a therapy that has helped many people in these situations. This is called EMDR- Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing. This is considered a psychotherapy that enables people to heal from the symptoms and emotional distress that are the result of disturbing life experiences. This therapy digs deeper and finds the root of the negative effects, and helps your brain process the trauma that was formerly chaos, and couldn’t be stored normally, like everyday experiences.
There is so very much more to this excellent volume — it would be impossible to cover everything. Other topics covered include PTSD, triggers, the traumatized brain, depression, anxiety, the mind/body connection, how to deal with negative emotions, forgiveness, intimacy in marriage, protecting our children from sexual abuse, breaking the silence, and much more.
One of the most powerful and needed chapters is titled, ” Rethinking How We Teach Chastity and Virtue.” As members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, all to often well meaning teachers within the church give an object lesson that turns out to be damaging. The author relates an object lesson she sat through as a young woman that hurt her very deeply. The teacher spoke of a rosebud, and if someone tried to open it before it’s ready, the petals will fall off, it will no longer be beautiful, and it will die and be discarded. To a young girl, it was as if she was being told she was no longer valuable or worthy.
Ms. Jessen quotes Elizabeth Smart, a childhood victim of kidnapping and daily sexual abuse, who frequently speaks out about tying our worth to sexual purity. Ms Smart states, “The way we talk about sex and abstinence needs to change. People need to realize there is nothing that can detract from your worth. When it comes to rape and sexual violence and abuse, that can never detract from who you are.
Additional valuable advice is given in the Appendix, including a chapter on Knowing How To Help When Your Loved One Has Been Sexually Abused.
This aptly named book truly does offer Hope and Healing to victims of this unspeakable crime. The author gently guides us through her own personal story and throughout she shares the overriding theme of Christ as our Master Teacher and Healer — through His infinite love and atonement. Through out it all she uses a gospel perspective to help others navigate their way, as she has done, and continues to do so to this day.
The closing sentence in the epilogue is a beautiful sentiment to all survivors: God did not send us here to fail, nor did he send us into circumstances too impossible to overcome. With God’s help, you can do this. You are not alone. You are stronger than you know. And you have all of Heaven on your side.