Review
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Title: Love is a Choice: Making Your Marriage and Family Stronger
Author: Lynn G. Robbins
Publisher: Deseret Book
Genre: Nonfiction
Year Published: 2015
Number of Pages: 273
Binding: Paperback
ISBN13: 978-1-62972-086-9
Price: $24.99
Reviewed by Kristie Wilkins for the Association for Mormon Letters
Very few things in life come close to the importance of the relationships we share as families. However, often those very relationships that give meaning and purpose to our lives are the sources of the most heart wrenching conflicts. Loving each other despite our imperfections is a real challenge in even the most ideal circumstances and yet as Latter-day Saints we are taught that families are central to our Heavenly Father’s plan and “no success can compensate for failure in the home,” so the stakes are high. [200] In his new book “Love is a Choice: Making Your Marriage and Family Stronger,” Elder Lynn G. Robbins give us insights “on the powerful role that agency plays in matters of love, patience, forgiveness and the development of other divine attributes that help to make a house a home.” [4]
What is love? Is love something we fall into (or out of), is it something that happens *to* us or a choice we make daily? If love is the greatest commandment how can I use my agency to love my family in the way our Heavenly Father expects? These are vital questions that Elder Robbins specifically addresses as he seeks to develop our understanding of the way the Savior loves and how choosing to emulate His example in our families can strengthen them.
“Love is a Choice” is presented in two sections. In Part 1 the author teaches the important points of doctrine concerning love, agency and responsibility and applies them to the interactions in our marriage and parenting relationships. Elder Robbins has vast knowledge of the gospel and a true gift for teaching. This gift is highlighted throughout the book as he seamlessly weaves his own knowledge and experience with scripture and modern day revelation through the words of Latter-day apostles and prophets.
Elder Robbins not only teaches us the nature and importance of love and how the Savior loves in particular, he also discusses many important and often sensitive subjects in this first section such as avoiding unrighteous dominion, how to discipline children, forgiveness, how to respond to abuse and lovingly teaching self-reliance. I found it very enlightening how he employs the use of opposites or antonyms to contrast the virtues and traits he encouraged his readers to develop — the concept of 100% responsibility for not only our actions but also our emotions and reaction. Charts and diagrams are provided throughout the book both to give the reader a visual demonstration of the principles being taught and to help the reader retain vital information. A bullet pointed summary at the end of each chapter provides a convenient way to reference back to subjects the reader wants to study more fully.
“Love is a Choice” is not a book that you can simply read and set on a shelf. As you read this book and ponder the ideas in its pages, you will be moved to act as you recognize areas you can improve on and grow in your relationships. Part 2 provides tools and resources to make it easier for readers to apply what they have learned in real life. Elder Robbins’ background from Franklin Covey really shines through in the chapter on finances. He gives very practical philosophies and tools, such as his Spending Matrix [190] that can be applied to financial decisions big or small, establishing a pattern of good spending habits and helping to keep money from being a source of contention in married life.
The following chapter is focused on how families can take the doctrines and principles presented in the book and apply them to their particular circumstances through Family Home Evening. Elder Robbins suggests that his readers study Christlike attributes and choose one or two at a time to focus on improving as a family. He provides an outline [207] for teaching Family Home Evening lessons that, if followed, would provide an atmosphere for learning, rich in the spirit and gospel truth.
In the appendix section of “Love is a Choice” Elder Robbins has provided readers with a list of 100 Christlike Virtues. Each virtue is well defined, suggestions on how we can emulate, or “be” like, thes virtue are given, and both synonyms and antonyms of the virtue are provided to further clarify the virtue and give place for further study. The appendix would make a wonderful book in itself and works as a great companion for the Family Home Evening outline Elder Robbins provides in the previous chapter, as well as a source of personal study for years to come.
This book beautifully illustrates key points of doctrine concerning love, agency, responsibility and developing Christlike attributes. Families of all backgrounds and in all circumstances will be greatly blessed as they apply what they learn in its pages. I have personally been moved to spend hours observing the interactions of my family members through the lens of “Love is a Choice,” noting my own responses to each of them in the days since finishing the book. I have recognized how the study and teaching of several different Christlike Attributes will help my family in our current stage of life and I can see how as the years go by we will need to study different Attributes at different stages.
I find myself constantly praying for charity and the ability to love as the Savior loves. Each time I say “I love you,” I am reminded of Elder Robbins’ assertion that saying “I love you” is not only a statement of how I feel about that person but also a promise of how I am going to *be* toward that person. As I have applied the principles in this book to my own interactions with my children I have seen real results and an increase of the spirit, which is the highest form of praise and recommendation that I can give.