Young, “Sex Educated: Letters from a Latter-day Saint Therapist To Her Younger Self” (Reviewed by Julie J. Nichols)

Sex Educated: Letters from a Latter-day Saint Therapist to Her Younger Self eBook : Young, Bonnie, Petersen, Sam: Books - Amazon.com

Review


Title: Sex Educated: Letters from a Latter-day Saint Therapist To Her Younger Self
Author: Bonnie Young, LMFT
Publisher: By Common Consent Press
Date: 2023
Pages: 132 (Further Reading and Notes begin on p. 115)
ISBN: 978-1-948218-79-5
Binding: paperback
Cost: $9.46

Reviewed by Julie J. Nichols for the Association of Mormon Letters

People who qualify as the main audience for this book—young women at the cusp of puberty or the cusp of marriage, and their parents—are going to want answers to some specific questions about Sex Educated:

  1. Is it going to make me uncomfortable, either as the young woman or as the parent?
  2. Will I have to read it in secret?
  3. Will it reveal facts and ideas I (or, perhaps, my daughter) shouldn’t know till after marriage?
  4. Is it easy to understand?
  5. Is it full of diagrams and pictures I might not want to see?
  6. Does it help me feel closer to God?

Here are some answers:

  1. Well, it might make you a little uncomfortable, if you’re squeamish about sex. It’s very frank. (See #2 below.) But it’s also very gentle and continually assures you that sex is good, natural, and to be welcomed—and also a little complicated in the ways that the best relationships are complicated. Take a look. If the first few pages make you cringe, you can always close the book. But I don’t think they will.
  2. No, you won’t have to read Sex Educated in secret. Heavens no. Sam Petersen (who happens to be the author’s husband) writes in his “Note From the Editor”:

Bonnie and I took great care to make this book a reverent, respectful, and faith-promoting resource. (Although not written for children, rest assured there is nothing in this book that would hurt a child if they happened upon it.) Reverence, respect, and faith, however, can and should exist together with accurate descriptions of anatomy and physiology, appreciation for one’s God-given sexual capacity, and the denunciation of unhealthy perspectives and attitudes. Oh, and some humor here and there… (x)

I find that comment that “there is nothing that would hurt a child” to be very reassuring. And just a look at the book—easily held in the hand, with a sweet, hand-drawn cover showing a woman with a child reaching for an apple on a tree, her face turned away, perhaps toward Mother Eve; large print inside; lots of white space, and chapter titles to help you sense at what age the material is appropriate—should help you feel at home.

  1. Sex Educated does not reveal facts or ideas you shouldn’t know before marriage—it reveals facts and ideas you SHOULD know, like that “the version of sex that is part of the plan of salvation—and the fact that you are a sexual being and your body is sexual and you will someday have a sexual relationship with your spouse—that is good. It is so It is not naughty.” And that sex is not “just a physical experience, but also an emotional, relational, and creational experience.” (And these are just from the first letter to the ten-year-old Bonnie from her adult self.)  One of the lovely things about this book is that it’s for young women at various stages of their sex education, professional and kind about what they probably know at that stage and what they need to know to feel more and more comfortable with themselves. Don’t read any further than you need to.
  2. Sex Educated is indeed easy to understand. Part of what makes information easy to understand is a non-charged tone, a tone of nonjudgment. For example, the letter on “Your Sexual Response” (age 16) explains arousal in simple terms, including the activities that lead to it (and beyond). It then urges the reader to “figure out your personal boundaries (i.e., where you should stop, what you should avoid), and choose to avoid the spot in your arousal trajectory that would make it harder to live up to your commitment to yourself [to not experience orgasm (or to not have penetrative sex, get pregnant, etc)].” Do you see how uncomplicated, and nonjudgmental, that is?
  3. The only pictures in this book (on pp. 83-85) are hand-drawn, clean, clear, and within the context of a frank but wonderfully gentle discussion of the joys of discovering orgasm. (The chapter is called “Your Unique Sexuality: age 20”). The book never suggests exploration except in the context of developing a relationship with a loved partner, but uses these drawings to explain how orgasm can happen—and there isn’t only one way.
  4. To its everlasting credit, Sex Educated returns over and over to the truth that sex and sexuality are normal and even beautiful aspects of women’s lives. It’s a great antidote to any and all of the harmful stories told in and out of church programs about how girls should avoid sex at all costs, or how it’s an avenue to sin and shame. The letters invite girls to know themselves better, to go forward with curiosity and positive expectations because they are daughters of heavenly parents who made their bodies capable of pleasure and creation.

This isn’t a book for the long-married or menopausal. It does acknowledge that sexuality changes with time, but its principal goal is to reassure young women, to invite them, and to assist them in their journey toward positive sexual experiences in marriage. It’s a lovely book for all the young women you know in those early stages of their lives. At this price, and in this form, you can’t go wrong.